My year in a video

Last Post from Spain (?!)

for the gypsy children

(june 2013)

we let the summer wind

etch it on our bones that

this was Our Time,

our lives to live,

our bodies to hurl

into the depths of

sea and space;

our late nights with

bottles of red wine

our early mornings

dark and muddy –

hot coffee;

we learned the language

of movements, strange words,

time,

then the absence of it –

listen:

dry golden grass whispers

secrets in the ears of gypsy children

(for we follow the road, the road, the

road)

let the giant orange moon

guide our ways home –

separate paths, but hoping

to meet again

 Someday –

it’s Our Time,

we say,

our world to explore,

to save,

to adore,

our trails and our trials

our distance in miles

our rivers and roads

it’s Our Choice

to grow Old.

to love, and let love,

to live, and let go.

 




The countdown app on my ipod informs me that I have 4 days , 11 hours and 50 minutes until 12 AM on Saturday, the time I will arrive at my home in Flagstaff and see my family for the first time in 10 months. This friday I will go to a hotel near the Madrid Barajas airport with all the other AFSers in Spain, and the next morning at 9:30 the Americans have their flight to Zurich, then from there to New York. We'll arrive at about 5 PM in New York (due to time changes) and then I have my flight to Phoenix at 8, which lands around 10:50 I think (again, a time change). My dad and Blake are going to come to the airport to oick me up, and then home!

 Yes, it has already been 10 months; 10 of the most difficult, incredible, challenging and fulfilling months of my life. If you had asked me 10 months ago to imagine myself coming home, I would probably have given you a clearer answer about my expectations and feelings, haha. I would have told you how much I was craving mexican food, or how I longed to walk in my forest again. I'm still looking forward to those things, but they no longer have such a frontal space in my mind. Sometimes, now, it is difficult to imagine my return: what will I do without the metro/train/overall excellent transportation system? What will I do on Saturday nights instead of hanging out in the center of one the the largest cities in Europe? Most of all I wonder: how on earth will I deal with the fact that there are so many new and wonderful people in my life that I will probably never see again?

Going away from the U.S. was different, because throughout this entire experience I have known that I will come back. Leaving Spain, I am uncertain of when I will return. And now that my friends are from so many countries, how can I be certain that in my lifetime I'll be able to make it to Thailand, Norway, Sweden, Turkey, Japan? While I am very excited to be home once again, I am also going to miss Spain and my life and friends here very much.

What I realized the other day is that studying abroad has taught me much more than another language and culture. It has taught me not to take things for granted, and that my happiness does not depend on anything other than myself and how I think about things. It has taught me how to adapt, and has given me the chance to overcome a lot of the social anxiety I faced before. I have never felt more confident about myself and who I am and what I stand for than I do now, and I am so, so excited for the rest of my life.

The fact that I only have a few days left here is giving me a lot of mixed feelings, but more than anything I want to thank everyone (here and in the U.S.) for all the support they have given me, both in coming to Spain and in my time here. My family in the states, both my families here, my friends from all the corners of this world, the kindness of complete strangers. I am so grateful for all of it, for all of you. Thank you so much.

picnic with my friends in Alcorcon

Coffee at the bar Hemingway used to frequent. David and Joris (see next pic) are exchange students living in Catalunya this year, and they both came and visited me for three days which was a lot of fun!

packing! how on earth will I do this without my mom?!

last saturday night in Madrid

I don't know when I'll be posting again, as I plan to take a much-needed break from the interwebs when I get back to Flag, although I will still be checking my email (autuumncc@gmail.com) if anyone wants to contact me.

8 Months?!

Nope, you didn't read the title wrong, I have been living in Spain for 8 months and one week! And let me tell you, it does not seem that long at all. In my mind it could have been two weeks ago that I first arrived in Spain, and yet so many things have happened, and I feel like I myself have been changed in so many ways.

If you know someone who has been on exchange, or have been on exchange yourself, or even if you have simply spent a few days in another country, you are not surprised to hear me say that I feel changed. I expected to change months before I even left - it's what happens. It's what would have happened anyways, because people change in every circumstance. I am sure that my friends and my family could all tell you hundreds of ways that they have felt they've changed in the past year, without having gone on exchange.

And yet, and I'm sure my fellow exchange students would agree with me, living abroad in another country, especially for an amount of time such as 5 to 10 months, changes you in ways that I already know I'll have trouble explaining to people back home. This is because it is an accumulation of small things, sometimes coupled with moments that you know you'll remember for a lifetime. And it all has to do with being immersed in another culture, and getting to know people who come from a life so  completely different than yours you have to stop and wonder at the incredible diversity of the world. It changes the way you think, the way you talk and act, because suddenly you are questioning: how is this different? How does this difference affect me and my life?

A lot of my blog posts get pretty deep, but this one didn't have it's origins in me sitting around and musing. The other day I got back from a week and a half trip to visit friends in Logroño and Barcelona, and getting back was pretty startling (not only because I was super tired and got sick). I realized how little time I have left in Spain, and began to think more on all of the time I have been here. Honestly, I do not remember much from the first three months that I spent with my first host family, it was a great experience but (obviously) due to the language barrier I felt pretty clueless a lot of the time. Occasionally I'll hear a song or smell a certain type of food and it will bring up a very clear memory, but other than that, it doesn't feel...real. It feels like a completely different person had those experiences. This isn't a good or bad thing, but it's helped me realize, again, how much I've changed.

Even my trip to London seems like a lifetime ago. I can only suppose that all of this is due to the huge amount that exchange students feel, learn and experience on a daily basis. It's like trying to fit an entire childhood into one year; because here we have to create, in some senses, a new identity for ourselves. We have to adapt. Of course it's no surprise when we come back and feel changed. 

Overall I feel like I have changed (am changing) for the better. I feel more mature and responsible, more critically-minded. With 7 weeks left, I'm curious to see how much more I will learn before I return home.

Now (as though you all haven't seen them already on facebook) some pictures from my independent travel!

bike ride adventure in Logroño with Marianne

Robert - the fellow AFSer I stayed with in Barcelona - lives really close to the beach

La Sagrada Familia

his host dad took us sailing

one night a bunch of us went to Tarrega (a little town outside of Barcelona) to celebrate David's 18th birthday with him, we found this cool graffiti there

 

"Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?"

Have You Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches? (Mary Oliver)

Have you ever tried to enter the long black branches
of other lives --
tried to imagine what the crisp fringes, full of honey,
hanging
from the branches of the young locust trees, in early morning,
feel like?
   
Do you think this world was only an entertainment for you?
   
Never to enter the sea and notice how the water divides
with perfect courtesy, to let you in!
Never to lie down on the grass, as though you were the grass!
Never to leap to the air as you open your wings over
the dark acorn of your heart!
   
No wonder we hear, in your mournful voice, the complaint
that something is missing from your life!
   
   
Who can open the door who does not reach for the latch?
Who can travel the miles who does not put one foot
in front of the other, all attentive to what presents itself
continually?
Who will behold the inner chamber who has not observed
with admiration, even with rapture, the outer stone?
   
   
Well, there is time left --
fields everywhere invite you into them.
   
And who will care, who will chide you if you wander away
from wherever you are, to look for your soul?
   
Quickly, then, get up, put on your coat, leave your desk!
   
   
To put one's foot into the door of the grass, which is
the mystery, which is death as well as life, and
not be afraid!
   
To set one's foot in the door of death, and be overcome
with amazement!
   
To sit down in front of the weeds, and imagine
god the ten-fingered, sailing out of his house of straw,
nodding this way and that way, to the flowers of the
present hour,
to the song falling out of the mockingbird's pink mouth,
to the tippets of the honeysuckle, that have opened

in the night
   
To sit down, like a weed among weeds, and rustle in the wind!
  
    
Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?
   
While the soul, after all, is only a window,

and the opening of the window no more difficult
than the wakening from a little sleep.
  
   
Only last week I went out among the thorns and said
to the wild roses:
deny me not,
but suffer my devotion.
Then, all afternoon, I sat among them. Maybe
   
I even heard a curl or tow of music, damp and rouge red,
hurrying from their stubby buds, from their delicate watery bodies.
   
For how long will you continue to listen to those dark shouters,
caution and prudence?
Fall in! Fall in!
   
   
A woman standing in the weeds.
A small boat flounders in the deep waves, and what's coming next
is coming with its own heave and grace.
   

   
Meanwhile, once in a while, I have chanced, among the quick things,
upon the immutable.
What more could one ask?
   
And I would touch the faces of the daises,
and I would bow down
to think about it.
   
That was then, which hasn't ended yet.
   
Now the sun begins to swing down. Under the peach-light,
I cross the fields and the dunes, I follow the ocean's edge.
   
I climb, I backtrack.
I float.
I ramble my way home.

Mary Oliver is one of my favorite poets, and I definitely feel that, with about 65 days left of my exchange (9 weeks?!) I am experiencing Spain to the fullest. My friend Marianne (AFSer in Logrono from Norway) came and visited me for a few days, I finally got around to going to El Rastro (biggest open-air market in western Europe), and every day I feel like I am better able to speak Spanish (okay, still haven't gotten the hang of subjunctive, but at least I recognize it and think about it sometimes). Tomorrow, I'll leave for Burgos with my host mom and brother and spend a few days there, and then Sunday I'll take a bus to Logrono to visit Marianne. And May 1st I'm getting on a train from Logrono to...Barcelona!! I'll stay there until 10 PM on May 6th with my friend Robert, and then take a night train all the way back to Madrid, arriving in the morning. AND that very same day I'm going to one of the Master Series Tennis Matches in Caja Magica with my school (if I don't collapse from exhaustion).




Now on to some serious stuff: the journal I've been keeping throughout my time in Spain was started 65 days before my departure, and I'm feeling weird about it being only that small amount of time before I'm back home. My exchange experience so far has been NOTHING like I ever expected; it's been fantastic, as well as extremely challenging. It has taught me many things about myself as well as about others, mostly I ask myself: how do you want to be living your life? How are other people living theirs? I am surrounded by so many people every day, in the train and at school, and I wonder to myself: are they happy? Are they doing what they love? Or are they "breathing just a little, and calling it a life"?

Of course, I don't have any say on how other people are living their lives, and I try to never pass judgements. However, thinking about these things causes me to question my own habits and motives, it causes me to take into serious consideration my thoughts, hopes, fears. What I have realized more than anything is just how capable we are of making changes in our lives: if you want to change something, change it. If thoughts or habits are making you unhappy, change them. There is literally nothing stopping you from taking a good long look at your life and turning it completely around. People have more power over their lives than they like to think, and it is when we start believing that we have lost this power to change and become that we become malcontent.

I'm not saying everyone needs to change, or even that all changes are possible, because there are indeed some things that fall outside our circle of control. I'm not saying it's easy to change, or simple; I am simply reminding people that it can be done. It is a misconception that change belongs solely to the Youth. I guess what I'm trying to say to everyone reading this is: you are capable. You are powerful.

Branching off these questions of self, I begin to question our societies and how they function. Here, it is easy to feel powerless, especially in terms of education reform, third-world conflicts, world hunger and corrupt government. I try and read the news every day, and I am constantly wondering how so many terrible things can happen; why are we incapable of changing? I am a firm believer that people are fundamentally good, and yet it seems that there are so many people who lose sight of compassion. Sometimes I feel as though trying to better the world is a fruitless endeavor.

And yet, I still believe in it. Why? Because as individuals we are powerful within ourselves, and therefore when we are united we are also powerful. And I have met so many people who are not only powerful, but intelligent, informed, and eager for change. The problem, like when we are struggling with ourselves, is in believing that we are capable; believing that we are capable both on our own and working with our peers to create good, to educate and enable, to spread peace and to, ultimately, change the world. If you believed you could in grade school, why not now?

By saying these things I do not expect people to run to the streets and start protesting, these are just things that have been on my mind a lot recently. I do however, believe that people are a lot more capable than they believe;  and so lately when I find myself complaining ("The train ride is so long!" "Our education system is so screwed!") I then tell myself: you are capable of change, you are capable of changing your attitude and your actions. With a lot of hard work and a dream, you are capable of changing the world.

March - the Best Month So Far

As most of you probably realize, it's been a good while since I last updated, and honestly I don't even know where to start! March has been the best month of my exchange so far, filled with accomplishments, friends and amazing trips. It was also quite shocking to find my return flight information in an email from AFS one day; on June 29th I have a morning flight back to Zurich, then back to New York, arriving back in the States at around 4 in the afternoon. By now you've done the calculations: I have three months left in Spain. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet, part of me misses my friends and family but the other part has completely fallen in love with this country and their culture. For now though, I am trying to focus on the moment and make the most out of every day.

     EXAMS
Back to March, though! The first week of March I had three solid days of tests in schools for second trimester, and that was a pretty stressful experience. Tests here are harder than in the States because they are usually between 5 and 10 questions and determine the majority of your grade. Often, instead of a question the teacher will just put (for example) "Literatura de siglo XV" (Literature of the 15th century) and as an answer you write EVERYTHING that you know about 15th century Spanish Literature. In all honesty, I really do not like the school system here, but I feel so thankful that all my teachers are kind and that I have art classes. Also, somehow I passed all my classes for second trimester! I was absolutely sure I was a gonner in Lengua, but my teacher told me that I had really, really improved.

"Congratulations Autumn for your attitude and strength"

      SEGOVIA
The weekEND after exams, I went to Segovia with a bunch of AFSers. It was beautiful, we visited the giant aqueduct built by the Romans, as well as the Cathedral and a Castle. In this case, I think pictures speak better than words.

in the train - spaghetti candy!

to try and give you guys a scale of how huge this cathedral is, that wardrobe back there was easily twice my height, and I couldn't even get the beginning of the ceiling in this picture!

organ

the cathedral from afar

      LONDON
After we got back to Madrid that night my host dad picked me up and took me to a friend's house in Alcorcon, because the next morning my class was leaving early for London! Her and her family have been really sweet to me ever since I met her on my first day of school, and she actually lives in the same building that my old host family lives in. The next morning we got up and headed to school so we could all take a bus to the airport. Around midday, we arrived in London to snow and a fierce, chilly wind, but pretty much immediately headed to the Victoria and Albert Museum, and extensive collection of art, including fashion and furniture, from around the whole and different time periods. That evening, we met our "host families". Me and two other girls in my class were staying with a woman named Mrs. Walmsley and her son. She was very kind, and cooked a whole bunch of food that I really enjoyed (Shepard's Pie one night, another time she made an Indian curry).

The next day we visited Buckingham Palace and got to see Big Ben and the Thames. We also got to go up in the London Eyes, a contraption similar to a ferris wheel and powered completely by the Thames. Afterwards we headed to Camden Town, famous for it's open markets and having a lot of peculiar fashions. I bought a huge burrito straight off, haha, a lot of you have probably heard me complain that there isn't Mexican food in Spain. I also bought some clothes, it was quite the experience bartering and trying to come to an agreement on a price.

Wednesday, we went to the British National Museum, which contains artifacts such as the Rosetta Stone and the mummy of Cleopatra. Then we were off to Convent Gardens, which isn't a garden or park but a large, semi-indoor market. After lunch, we went to Chinatown and then Regent and Oxford streets which have a lot of higher-end shops.

Thursday we headed to the Natural History Museum and saw the dinosaurs. The thing about London's museums is that you could easily spend every day for a month in ONE of them and there would still be things you hadn't seen, and we never got more than two hours or so (I definitely plan on returning to London one day). After lunch we went to London Tower and Tower Bridge, then walked down along the river to the Tate Modern Art Museum, then went to St. Paul's Cathedral, which was so, so beautiful. We were able to listen to evening choir there, and it is definitely one of my strongest memories of the trip.

Friday morning was our last time in London, but we managed to squeeze in going to the British National Gallery, my favorite experience of the trip. Under one roof, we saw paintings by Monet, Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Claude, and countless others. I adore going to art museums (The Prado in Madrid is one of my favorite places to be) and I am so happy I got to see so much beautiful art while I was in London. Our flight to Madrid landed that evening, and it was a bit of a relief to be home. However, that thursday Semana Santa (Spring Break) would begin, and I'd be off on even more adventures.

classmates

leaving Madrid

explaining to British Security why one American was traveling with a bunch of Spanish kids was fun. I got a two stamps in my passport though

The Underground

Victoria and Albert Hall

so very London

outside the Palace

Big Ben

on the London Eye

view from the top

Rosetta Stone

coffee with soy milk, scones with jam and cream

first edition of Darwin's 'The Origin of Species'

The Shard, currently the tallest building in Western Europe

Tower Bridge

class photo

St. Paul's

     MUMFORD&SONS
Thursday night (the 21st) I went to a Mumford and Sons concert in Madrid, and it was a fantastic concert. The crowd was so into it, singing along to every song, and the band tried to speak Spanish which was really funny. I uploaded part of one of their songs to Youtube, which you can check out if you want: I Will Wait

     CAMINO DE SANTIAGO
As if this post wasn't long enough already, AFTER the concert Erik, Lani and I took the metro to the airport and spent a few hours sleeping on the floor there before going through security and getting our flight to Santiago with Benjamin and Sofia. We met up with two guys from Catalonia there and went off to explore Santiago a bit before our bus to Sarria later that day. Us and about 40 other AFSers would be walking 111 kilometers (about 70 miles) from Sarria to Santiago over the next five days, completing the last part of the extremely old Camino de Santiago, traditionally a religious pilgrimage that many people start on the border of France and Spain, although it stretches up through a good deal of Northern Europe. Some people walk, other bike or ride horses. It was an amazing experience.

The only day it didn't rain much was the first day, but every single day after that we were subject to rain and wind. Everything we owned became wet and muddy, but (for me at least) I couldn't have cared less. We walked between 20 and 30 kilometers (12 and 18 miles) every day, starting around 9:30 and ending around 5 or 6, taking an hour or so break for lunch. After reaching the Hostel in the evening we all would take very hot showers and attempt to dry out our clothes and all squish together in two or three beds, talking and laughing. Throughout the week we all came to know each other very well, and I can honestly say that I adore and admire every single person who was there. AFSers are such an amazing group of kids who are resilient and kind beyond words.

On the 27th we got up and left before the sun had even risen so we could make it to Santiago in time for midday Mass in the Cathedral. I arrived around 11, through down my backpack and began running around the plaza, so incredibly happy to be there, although a little sad to know that the next day we would all be going home and the experience would be over. That night, some of us stayed up until 3 AM (well, we stayed up late pretty much every night but usually were all asleep around 1 or so...) talking, dancing and reminiscing about the amazing time we had had, showing each other the crazy blisters we had gotten (actually I didn't get any, haha, I think I was the only one). The next day, Sofia, Benjamin and I got our flight back to Madrid, and then headed home to rest up for the last few days of Semana Santa.

Santiago

nice cafe we found

first morning - we all look so dry!

benefit of lots of rain: it's crazy green

end of the first day, also the last time I saw the sun till I got back to Madrid

in the pouring rain. The conch is traditionally worn by peregrinos (pilgrams) durante el camino

a more accurate sign

dancing in front of the cathedral

If you've actually read this entire post, way to go! Sorry it's so long, but that has been the amazing month of March. I hope April, May and June are just as great, and I apologize for being out of touch with a lot of people. Miss you all a bunch, and see you in three months!